One Last Ride.....

Picture it.... the carnival guy is yelling...."Step right up foks, it's getting late.  The park will be closing sometime in the next 24 hours(??).  Come on with me for one last ride on the amazing Emotional Strollercoaster!"  
The park is about to close.... Can I really stand one last ride on this rollercoaster, letting my stomach flip and head spin again??  Ok, here I go, getting in the seat this morning, anyone want to join me???  Please remain seated and keep your hands and arms inside the train at all times.
Now I picture the guy saying.... "You want to go faster?  Faster?  FASTER?"  Like they do on those rides that just go around in circles over and over!  
I've likened my journey to a rollercoaster ride at an amusement park many times, hopefully this will be the last!  
And remember...do not get off until the train has come to a complete stop.

Will it be today that I finally see her face?

Fly Stork! Fly!!

Fly Stork Fly!!!!!!  All that talk about patience yesterday?  Ya, well that's gone out the window!!!!  I just want some details!!!!!  I have my list of questions ready (thanks to Tammy!) and now I just keep waiting for that phone to ring.  It's so hard to concentrate on anything, a million questions and thoughts and fears are all swirling around in my head all day. It's hard to believe that after more than 2000 days of waiting, I am now down to just a few hours before I see your little face baby! Yahoo!!!

The Beginning of the End

Chinese Symbol for Patience

So here I am now, at the Beginning of the End.  This symbol of patience will be what holds me together these last few days while I wait to see my little one's face.  I wonder so much.  Will she be big for her age?  Small?  Will she already be walking?  Crawling, sitting up on her own?  Will she be smiling in the picture?  Will she be quiet and shy or loud and boisterous like me?  Will she have hair that is wild and crazy like I so often see in referral photos?  All these questions I have, some of them may get answered, some I may not know for months yet.  I have patience (a little at least!!!) because I trust God will let everything play out in its right time.  That faith however does not mean the next few days are going to be easy to wait out!!!!  LOL

It's Empty!!!

Finally, an empty waiting jar!!!!  After 2108 days this jar now sits empty on top of the TV in my living room.  Not sure where it will go next, maybe the baby's room?


Well, folks, I think my feet have finally touched the ground again.  After two days of mile high excitement, and then a quiet Saturday to regain composure, I think I am now ready to get ready.  I have so much to do in the next couple of weeks, I'm not sure how it will all get done.  Finishing up the school year is a big enough job in itself, but to now add packing away all my personal belongings because I won't be there next year (yeah!!), and everything I will need to do to accept my referral, I don't know how it's all going to get done!!  Do I have time to be writing away on a blog??? Not really, but this is way more fun!!


Monday I plan to spend some time researching and contacting doctors familiar with international adoption.  I have ordered a Question Book, something I will include in my care package that I will send to the orphanage when I know the details.  The details.... oh, when will I know the details???

Thank You

Wow.  I think I am out of words.  I know, I know, you who know me well are asking, "That can't be!!  When is Suzanne ever out of words????"  But I am.  I am just speechless this morning.  The blog comments and emails and well wishing and great thoughts sent by everyone yesterday was overwhelming and it has left me speechless except to say thank you!  I've waited over 6 years to hear those good wishes from all of you, and I know many of you have waited 6 years with me to say them, and I can't tell you what a great feeling that was to finally be able to say Thank You.

BEST DAY EVER!!!!!!

All I can say is .......
BEST DAY EVER !!!!!!!
It has truly been the best day of my life so far.  Knowing I have a match, knowing this incredibly challenging wait is finally coming to an end, knowing I am finally going to be called "mom" is the best feeling in the world.  I'm totally exhausted but I don't want the day to end.

AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! IT'S HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!


NUEVAS ASIGNACIONES CCCWA (anteriormente CCAA)
Estimadas familias, os informamos que la nueva fecha de corte de las asignaciones en China ha cambiado: Se han asignado las familias con fecha de registro hasta el 15 de septiembre de 2006 .
Un afectuoso saludo, y ¡enhorabuena a todas las familias asignadas!


Translation is….


NEW ASSIGNMENTS CCCWA (formerly CAAC)
Dear families, we inform you that the new court date assignments in China has changed, families have been allocated to date of registration until September 15, 2006.
Warm regards and congratulations to all families assigned!

And what that means....
I'm in!!!!!!  I just got word this morning that China has finished referrals up to September 15.  I can hardly believe that this is really happening!!!!!!!!  
I am now officially in labour!!!

Patience

 Chinese symbol for patience
I gotta get me some of that!

The "guy from Spain" says we'll hear news tomorrow.  I think I am going to hold my breath until then.

"I'm Waiting....."

"I'm waiting......."     
(read in a sing-song voice, with arms crossed and one foot tapping!)

Monday Morning in China

It is now Monday morning in China.  Will tomorrow be the day?  Will I finally get to take this last pebble out of my Waiting Jar?

Welcome Back Mike and Tammy

Last night my fellow adoption friends Mike and Tammy arrived back in Canada with their new little one.  Catherine and I went to the airport to greet them home.  It was great to see all the family there at the airport with pink balloons and huge Welcome Home signs.  They even had t-shirts made up with Canadian and Chinese flags on them and baby M's photo.  Mike and Tammy looked a little exhausted from the flight but overall completely happy and excited.  Baby M was so cute and seemed to take it all in stride, sticking her tongue out while she looked around and I think I even saw a little smile sneak out once! Congratulations on becoming a family of three!!!!

On the rumour watch however, there was no new news yesterday.  What that means I don't know.  It could mean that referrals will be delayed and not come out next week.  It could mean that referrals will come out without any warning next week. It could mean that rumours will start next week and referrals come out the week after that.  It could mean..... well, you get the picture.  I wish I had a magic eight ball!!! Those things work don't they?!?  Anyone got a crystal ball???

Rumour Watch!

This is a post taken from Rumour Queen, where I go to hear news about upcoming referrals.

June 12th, 2012   Rumour Watch

We’re in the window of possibility, but the most likely date of arrival is a week from tomorrow. If they are to arrive in 8 days then the CCCWA should already be working on them, and that means there could be rumors any day now.

From me:
For those of you that don't get what that means, it means they are currently working on matching files and that I should start to hear rumours about a cut-off date (how many files they were able to match this month) by the end of this week.  Then, the most likely date that referrals will arrive will be next Wednesday.  Stay tuned folks, my posts will be coming at you fast and furious now!  Wow, I can't believe this is happening!!! 

Somewhere on the Other Side of the World

Since referrals are expected to be mailed in the next couple of weeks, it is quite certain that the CCCWA  is busy matching files right now as I write this post.  Well, ok, maybe not right now, as it's the middle of the night there and they are probably sleeping, but during their work day.... I'm sure they are busy!!
It's really a complicated but amazing feeling to think that somewhere, on the other side of the world, someone is looking at my picture and matching me with a baby, a child they think would be just perfect for me.  Our two photos will be paper-clipped together and put in an envelope, initiating a relationship that will last the rest of my life.    

Are We There Yet? Are We There Yet?

Are we there yet?   Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?   Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?   Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?   Are we there yet?


Yep, that's me.  The annoying kid in the backseat of the car.


Yesterday I was fortunate enough to get a good dose of baby. Hopefully that will keep me going until I hear something. I met a couple back in the Fall at an adoption preparation workshop.  At that point they were expecting their referral very soon and we sort of got acquainted over the two days of the workshop.  Since then, they have received their referral, travelled to China and have been home for a few months now.  Spur of the moment, I went to visit with them yesterday to see the baby for the first time.  All I can say is....B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!!!!!  She was SO cute, just starting to walk on her own, reaching out for things and handing me her toys.  I had brought a little gift for her and her mother mentioned that she loved to open presents and that we'd wait till she woke up to open the gift.  Well, her delighted giggle told it all.  She loves to open presents!!  I can't wait till our babies can play together!


We have a shower today for my sister and her newborn little K.  Can't wait!  I love getting my baby fix from him too.  He's so much more alert now, looking around while you cuddle him.  So, I think that will hold me over for a couple more weeks!  Once I get my own referral pictures though, look out!  I may be that impatient kid again!

Time

Time.  Does it move quickly?  Does it move slowly?  Time is something I have too much of right now and yet not enough.  Right now it feels like I'm on a stop and go bus, in a hurry to get somewhere.  The minutes are ticking by like hours, the hours are moving at the speed of lightening!  One minute time is crawling by and I think this last month of waiting will never come to an end.  The next minute, time is slipping away and I am panicking about not being ready, about not doing some of the things on my Single-life Bucket List!  My friend Sandra did warn me about this in a comment a few weeks back!  I should have listened! 





To quote Albert Einstein:  When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute -- then it's longer than any hour. That's relativity!  

Yeah for June!!!!!

And now it's June!  It is officially my Referral Month!!!!!!!  I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself!!!!  It's pretty much all I think about these days.  Only a few more days/weeks to go before I finally become a mom!
To quote someone from my travel group,  it's ironic that we will be receiving our referrals after officially waiting 69 months.  When I submitted my paperwork the agency had quoted the wait as 6 -9 months.  From 6 -9 to 69, wow.  Funny how things work out eh!?  yeah, real funny.

My Secret Pal Gift

So my friends Tammy and Mike left for China yesterday afternoon, so exciting!!!!!!  I gave Tammy a quick call from work yesterday to wish her a good trip and she seemed unreasonably calm.  I hope I can be that calm when my time comes!   She seems to be taking it all in stride which is good.  I will be at the airport to greet them when they return so let's see how calm she is then!!! LOL


I belong to a group of men and women who communicate online.  We all have a September Log-in date for China and have been active supporting each other, discussing all things adoption/preparation related and being excited as each one of us gets our referral.. They hail from all over the world and even though I've never met any of them I feel like I know them after chatting about everything you can imagine, adoption related and not!  One of the women organized a "Cyber Shower" over the past few weeks and last week I received my gift from my secret pal.  It came from a woman in Ireland and it was a beautiful Christening scrapbook with my LID engraved on the front, a set of book ends (appropriate since I am a librarian and have about a zillion books!) and an Irish rag doll that is SO cute!!!!  Posting this reminds me however that I haven't sent a thank you note to her.  Must get on that!!!!

What Happens at Referral?

This post is for you Lisa, thanks for taking such an interest in how it all goes down.  Here's what happens when the "BIG MOMENT" finally comes.
A week or so before I receive my referral I will hear rumours that China is organizing paperwork, matching files from these particular Log-in Dates and finally that files (referrals) have been mailed.  Once files have been mailed they usually arrive in Canada a day or so later.  I will receive an email from my agency telling me my referral has arrived.
Once it has been translated and reviewed by my agency, I will receive a phone call and be given some basic information:  Child's name, date of birth, which province and Social Welfare Institute (orphanage or foster home) they live in and some basic medical information.
In the next few hours I will receive a photo of my child.  I then wait for the rest of the medical information to be translated and couriered to me, usually a few days later.  Once I have all the information on my child, I will take it to a doctor for review.
I then meet with my Social Worker to go over paperwork and accept my referral.  Over the next few weeks, I have several documents to complete for China and forms to send to my provincial Ministry of Child and Youth Services for approval.  I have already completed most of the immigration paperwork to be able to bring a child into Canada.
Once I have received confirmation from China and my own Ministry I can then begin making travel arrangements.  Most of this is done through my agency.
Once my travel dates are set, I start getting ready!!!!  All of this preparation takes about 8 weeks, mostly due to waiting on China and my Provincial Ministry to send documentation allowing me to bring a child into Canada.
It sounds easy when I write it all down here but I hear people tell me it's a crazy busy time so I may be a little out of the socializing loop when this is happening, sorry folks!

OMG!!! OMG!!!!

WOO HOO!!!!!!  Apparently the 8th is not the cut-off!!  Referrals were sent out for up to Sept 11 and 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh my gosh, I 've never been so happy to be wrong!!!!!!!!!!  I told you it was like a roller coaster!  Every time I think I've got a handle on the whole thing it takes me for a spin!!!!  The most thrilling ride of my life!  


I was out gardening all day yesterday and didn't check for any updates about referrals.  I thought I knew the cut-off date, Sept 8th, and it sometimes takes a while to get info and photos translated so there was no hurry to check things out on my facebook group or blogs or Rumour Queen.  When I came inside at 9:30 last night, I thought I would check, just for the fun of it, to see if any pictures of the babies were up yet, I love seeing the first baby pictures.  Well, holy cow!  There was over 3 pages of messages in my inbox all screaming about the BIG surprise!!!!  So it looks like people with a Sept 8-11 LID definitely got their referral yesterday and even a few with a Sept 12 LID got "the call."  This is always surprising because China almost never sends out partial days.  If they don't finish matching a certain day this month, they hold back all the matches for that day until next month.  It could be a mistake somewhere along the line where the people with a Sept 12 LID actually had a Sept 11 LID.  It happens sometimes, things get mixed up in translation, but what a great mix-up for those waiting parents!


What does this all mean you ask??!   It means I AM NEXT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am crying as I type this because I can't believe I am finally saying it.  For more than 5 years I've watched people, most of them complete strangers to me except how I "know" them online through Rumour Queen, get their referrals, meet their babies and deal with the disappointment of missing the cut-off by one day. And now here I am, missing the cut-off by one day.  I don't feel any disappointment, just excitement!  It's finally happening and I couldn't be happier.

P.S.  I haven't forgotten Lisa about posting the referral process, it's coming! :)
As well, still working on the camera thing.  Will try to figure out the problem this week so I can post pictures of my winning game of frisbee golf!!

Step Right Up Folks!

"Step right up folks!  A thrill a minute here!  It's time for the ride of your life!  Climb onto the biggest, the longest (that's for sure!!!!) the most spectacular emotional roller coaster of all time!  Fasten your seatbelts and hold on!  It might get a little bumpy but it's bound to thrill you with its dips and turns and unexpected twists!!!!!"


Ok, it's that time of the month yet again!  Time to climb back on the Referral Rollercoaster for another ride!  I got word this morning from "the guy in Spain" as people refer to him, that paperwork is done in China and the next set of referrals are being mailed!!!!!!  I have to admit, as unlikely as it was to happen, I was secretly hoping for the 13th, my LID, to be included.  However, the rumour out there this morning looks like Sept 8th may be the next cut-off.  A little disappointing but c'est la vie!  We had really thought they might complete up to the 10th or 11th realistically but that's sort of been the theme of this whole adoption hasn't it, one step forward, two steps back?  And the thrilling part is, we never know for sure until there is an official announcement.  There's always lots of speculation about cut-off dates and rumours about who will be matched and then sometimes the rumours are right on target and sometimes a big surprise (or sometimes disappointment unfortunately)  hits you in the face!!!  Hence, the roller coaster analogy!  On the upside, it's still 4 days closer to my great moment!!!!!  I've met some great people online these last few months, all people with a September LID like me, so I'm hoping for good referral news today for some of them!


Onto other news, my sister and baby K are doing ok.  They  came home from the hospital last night but will be back there tomorrow to get checked out again by the doctor.  


I was away visiting my nephews Saturday and Sunday with my mom.  We had a good "Day o' Fun" with Aunt Suzanne which included visiting the zoo, playing board games and frisbee golf.  Grandma treated us out to a good lunch at Swiss Chalet after Church.  I have some great pictures but something's up with my camera card or card reader or computer (not sure which yet) and my computer doesn't seem to be able to copy the pictures this morning.  So, I will post pictures later when I figure out what is going wrong.  Who am I kidding, I'll never be able to figure out what is going wrong.  I will just try it again later tonight and hope it works!!!!LOL

Making a great shot!

Who me?  I didn't cheat!

The official Score Keeper!

He's almost here!

I'm going to be an aunt again today!  So exciting!  My sister has gone into the hospital last night and will be delivering her little baby boy today.  Will update later when I know more details.




Update:  Well, he's here!!!!  It was a bit of an ordeal but in the end all went well.  Mom and baby are both doing ok and I couldn't be prouder as a new aunt!  Everyone is a little tired and not looking their best but here are some pics of the cute little guy!  Welcome to the world baby K!!!!

Getting ready for the OR.  Are you nervous Dad?

Welcome to the world little guy!

 Happy Grandma

Happy Grandpa

Proud parents

Proud Aunt Suzanne

Mother's Day 2012

I've debated a little for the past few days about composing a Mother's Day post.  Not because I don't have anything to say (I know you're wondering when does that ever happen??) but because my feelings around this Mother's Day are so personal I wasn't sure how much I wanted to share out loud.  The feelings I have around having a child already living somewhere out there, but not knowing him/her yet, the feelings I have for a birth mother who felt the only viable option for her was to relinquish her child to someone else and that someone else is going to be me, are all very complex and emotional and sometimes overwhelming.  This blog however, has been a great place for me to sort out my feelings and fears about motherhood and my upcoming adoption so why stop now.  Plus, I cherish my friends and family that come here to read my blog so here it is, just a few of my thoughts on Mother's Day, 2012.


Dear Grace,
I'm thrilled that this will be my last Mother's Day without you.  I feel a tingling in my stomach every day now, an excitement that I can't contain, knowing I am so close to finally seeing your face. Although you didn't grow in my body, you have grown in my heart.  I have thought about you every day for years now and it both hurts me and excites me to know that you are already a growing little girl somewhere in China.  I worry and hope that someone is taking good care of you while you wait for your forever family, me!  I worry and hope that your birth mother will somehow know that you will be loved, not just by her but by me as well.  Soon you will be coming to a new home and starting a new life with me and even though you won't have a clue what's going on and may be a little unhappy about the whole ordeal, I will be very excited about becoming your mom.  I can't wait to meet you! 
  
Love, Mommy

The Blessing of Friendship

 Tonight was our annual Mother's Day dinner with a group of women who have all adopted, mostly from China and Vietnam.  With Tammy and Mike getting their referral last month, I am now the last one in the group still waiting for my referral.  Wow.  We've been getting together for 6 years now, it's hard to believe, and I've watched as everyone in the group has gotten their referrals and travelled to bring home their children.  It's been beautiful watching the girls and boys grow so big!  Some members of the group started out single and are now married, some have had biological children since, generally a lot has happened but I am so grateful to God for bringing this group into my life.  I have so many good friends, some I've known for 30+ years now, and I am so thankful for that because I wouldn't be in the place I am in now if not for the ongoing encouragement of my circles of friends.  However, the ladies from this group have really become a source of support throughout the wait and they are the people who really "get it."  I know the rest of you try, and I bless you for that, but only those who have been there /done that, know what it's really like to endure this wait and uncertainty, to parent a child who is culturally, physically and biologically different than you, who has also endured this wait and uncertainty, and to do it on your own.  We get together regularly but not often, however every time I meet them, I leave with a stronger sense of friendship.

When I got home from dinner tonight, I looked up Chinese quotes on friendship and thought I might include one here.  The first one that popped up was...

"Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead."
- Chinese Proverb

It doesn't quite have the lyrical ring to it that I was looking for!!!!!!
So I searched again and found these, not Chinese necessarily, but meaningful just the same...

"With good friends . . . even water drunk together is sweet enough.”  
  (I think this one does have Chinese origin!)

"Strangers are just friends waiting to happen."

"Sometimes you pick your friends, sometimes they pick you."

Most of my friendship circles have happened by chance.  People I have worked with and people I went to school with and were naturally drawn towards have become lifelong friends.  But for the most part, I didn't actively seek out any of them except the people I now know through adoption.  When I first started this journey to motherhood, I searched high and low for adoption groups, single mothers groups, whatever I could find, and injected myself into all of them.  Not all of them turned out to be a good fit and I've let some of them go, but for the ones that stuck, I'm grateful, thanks!

Finally, I'm in the First Column

Ahh, the sweet satisfaction of being in the first column!!!!  These are the projections for this coming month's referrals from China put out by a woman in the States, known as Rumour Queen, who keeps track of everything related to international adoption.  Each month Rumour Queen, whom I've referred to quite a bit here, puts out projections for the next set of referrals.  She examines the data from past months, how many days worth of files were matched, how many families that included, etc. and uses the information to make an estimate of when the next set of referrals will come out and how many days/files China will match.  Some months it makes sense that only a few days will be matched because there are large numbers of families logged in on those days.  Some months there should be several days worth of files matched because there are hardly any files logged into China (funny, this never seems to happen though!).  This information is what I use to gage when I might receive my referral.  If you look on the left side you will see the upcoming months.  Remember China only matches and mails the referrals once a month or so.  The columns to the right are Rumour Queen's (RQ's) best guess.  If things continue according to this past winter 2012's pattern, I will receive my referral in June, if things go a little better/faster like they were last winter 2011, I will receive my referral in May.  However, as I've found out with this process, things can always get worse and if they do, I may be delayed until July.  You can see from the chart that it is projected that I will just make the cut-off with my Sept 13 log-in date.  If China does not finish as many files as they have been lately, they won't include the 13th and I will be waiting yet again.  But at least this time it will only be an extra month.  I know it's a little complicated to follow but thought I would try to explain why I know but don't know when I will receive my referral.  I won't even show you the other statistic charts that look at number of families logged in on each day, how many days were covered each  month.  It just gets a little mind boggling!!!  All I know is, it will happen soon!  If you want to read more about the process and how it has all unfolded from the start, I wrote about it in more detail here. Just click on the link (blue word "here") and it will take you to my earlier post.

Good Baby Day!

Good Baby Day today!  I finished registering at Babies R Us today and I have pictures of a great glider for the baby's room I found on sale at a consignment shop (it's pink gingham check and beautiful!) and I finished shopping for my secret September pal for our cyber baby shower (see last week's post for details) and I picked up my hanging baskets at a farmer's market in the Holland Marsh.  I usually make my own but really these were a good deal and I knew I would be kinda busy this spring!!! :)  Ok, so the last one is not really baby related, but I love to garden and can't not mention the good deal!