I'm Still Here and Waiting

Just wanted to let everyone know... I'm still here and waiting!  This waiting is hard because of course I now have a picture to dream about and can't wait to hold her, but I've been SO busy that it's kind of flying by too.    I need to thank my many friends who have been so great about letting me go on and on about my referral and Grace and all the paperwork and doctor appointments and shopping for baby things and everything else I've been going on and on about these past few weeks (months?).  You've put your own news and the daily life conversations that we would normally have on the back burner and allowed me to be in the spotlight for days now and I so appreciate it!  I've felt like a queen these past few weeks and I know it won't last, but I'm lovin' it while it's happening!!! LOL  Thanks to everyone for their patience too.  I know I've had to shorten phone conversations to zip out to appointments and I haven't returned people's calls when I said I would, so thanks for understanding.  Just for a laugh, I've included the picture of me receiving my referral from the Courier guy.  Funny, he wasn't nearly as understanding as the rest of you have been when it came to making a big fuss about my referral.  I thought I would be witty and so I asked him, "Bet you've never delivered a baby before have you???"  He just half smiled and said, "You can sign here lady."   He wasn't nearly as excited as I was!!!!  What's up with that??? Doesn't he know it was little Grace in there????!!!

Flights Booked!!

What a busy week it's been!!  I'm so thankful to have the time off work right now because it's been a week of constant paperwork and appointments and phone calls getting everything in order to complete the adoption and prepare to travel.  Sometimes it feels like just a job I'm trying to get done by a deadline, sort of like your taxes, and other times it overwhelms me that this is not "just a job" this is preparation for a life change that I can't even comprehend yet. 
Yesterday I booked our flights to China and even though I knew what I was doing all along, suddenly it felt real.  It hit me the most when I looked at our tickets online and there it was.  Her name on a return ticket.  So it's starting to feel real and the magnitude of the upcoming changes in my life is finally starting to sink in.  Man, I hope I'm ready for this!

A Few More Details...

After my impromptu lunch celebration with family last Friday, I had to head back to work.  As the afternoon went on,  I shared the news with all my friends and colleagues and I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness from everyone.  So many of my co-workers kept coming by the library "just to look at her again."  My friend Deb couldn't stop crying which of course made me cry every time!!!  At school with the students, I had started to tell them about my plan in these last few days by reading them the picture book, Love You Like Crazy Cakes.  The grade 5 and 6 students however took a special interest in my referral.  They have been asking all week, "Have you got the Call yet???"  sometimes even shouting it from the open bus windows as their bus was pulling into the school driveway!  I was so happy to finally share the details with them I had to hike outside and find them in the middle of their Phys. Ed class!!!! LOL
After school, my two friends, who will now be coming to work at my school next also came by to move some of their work belongings.  We had a good chat about the whole day and it was great to be able to share it with them as they have been some of my biggest support over the years of waiting.
The next couple of days were spent talking with people on the phone, re-telling the story over and over about me "getting the call" and thanking people for their good wishes.  I then started all the paperwork required to accept my referral and that's where I've been these past few days.  That's now done, at least for the time being, and I have had a chance to catch up on yard work with a bit of relaxation time in there too!  Yeah for summer!

Help!! I'm Under the Paper and I Can't Get Out!!!

It's been a busy two days of paperwork, meetings and appointments.  
That's me under there somewhere.

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!

Yesterday was, by no comparison, absolutely, definitely, positively the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!!!  I thought last year took the cake when I had taken my niece and nephew to Wild Water Kingdom and had a fantastic day, but yesterday?  That was the best!
After spending the day at doctor appointments and running around I met with my social worker late in the afternoon and signed the paperwork to accept my referral for Grace.  It's official, I am going to be Grace's mom!
I went out to my parents' place afterwards for cake and a swim.  It was such a scorching hot day I could hardly wait to get into the pool.  We had a great time celebrating the document signing and of course me turning a year older LOL!! 
My sister L and her family gave me a beautiful necklace called a Wish Pearl necklace.  It is a silver sea turtle that opens up to hold a pearl inside.  Apparently sea turtles hover protectively over the freshwater pearl beds in the ocean.  The necklace came with its own oyster shell in water.  I had to crack open the shell to reveal the pearl inside.  Each colour of pearl symbolizes something different.  Mine was peach, which represents health.  Quite significant for me since that was my biggest worry yesterday with my referral for little Grace.  The pearl fits inside the turtle like this 




The box has the saying A Wish-Waiting-To-Come-True on the front.  How appropriate and poignant for this year's birthday.  It was a beautiful gift and I couldn't thank her enough. 


To find out more about the Wish Turtle's story go to www.WishTurtle.com
When I  got home, it was such a warm evening, I sat outside on the back deck for a few moments.  There are no street lights where I live and I like to sit out there at night sometimes in the complete darkness.  It's so quiet and peaceful and I just needed a few moments to digest the day and all that had happened.  It was a spectacular full moon and its light shone on everything in the yard.  I looked up at the moon and prayed that sweet Grace is ok, healthy and happy while she waits these last few weeks.  The moment reminded of the storybook I bought for her on the weekend, something I will be putting into a care package to send to China before I get there.  It's called Under The Same Moon and it starts like this:  
(have you got tissue ready?)
I see the moon and the moon sees me,
And the moon sees somebody I'd like to see.
Please let the light that shines on me
shine on the ones I love.
And it ends with:
Over the mountains and over the sea,
together with you, I wish I could be.
Please let the light that shines on me
shine on the ones I love.

A Few Details..

I wanted to leave my referral post up for a few days mostly because she is so darn cute :) but also because it has been a long weekend here in Canada and many people have been away from internet and maybe didn't get a chance to see the photos yet.  However, I wanted to share a few details about the big day Friday.
So, I got the call Friday morning.  It was a bit of a scramble because I had just arrived at work and was not set up with my question sheet and pen and camera ready.  I did have a friend record it but I will choose to keep that just to myself for now.  After I got off the phone (and composed myself!) I called my parents to let them know the good news and that I would have time to come home for lunch and show them the pictures (they were going away overnight and I didn't want to wait till Saturday!!).  When I arrived at my parents' house, my mom, niece and nephews had decorated the door with red balloons and a home-made Congratulations banner.  They had horns they were blowing and everyone was on the front porch to greet me.  What an amazing welcome!  And so of course I started crying all over again!  We had a great lunch and I talked on and on about all the things I now knew about my little Grace.  I had picked up a small cake to celebrate as well, although D. had a muffin for me with a candle in it ready to go.  They made up a rendition of Happy Birthday,  Happy Referral Day, and we all enjoyed the moment.  I so appreciated their good wishes and I will cherish that memory forever.

I will post more details tomorrow but here are a few pictures of our little party!

Then I Saw Her Face.....

Then I saw her face.... No doubt in my mind, she's beautiful and she's mine and I'm in love....

It's a Girl!!!!!!

 I got the call!!!!  I have a girl!!!  She is 10.5 months old and from Xuzhou City, Jiangsu province.  What a day!  I've dreamed about this moment for more than 6 years now and all I can say is.... BEST DAY EVER!!!!!!!  Some pictures and more details to come but right now I am absolutely exhausted, and all I want to do is look at her beautiful picture one more time and go to bed to dream some more.

And, still waiting....

Sing this to the tune of Frere Jacques

My referral, my referral
Where are you?  Where are you?  
Won't you come today, won't you come today, 
and make me smile, and make me smile.  


Sorry, I'm usually pretty good at making up lyrics but this is the best I can do under this stress and no sleep!!


I finally broke down and called my agency yesterday.  They ask that we don't call during this part of the wait because it ties up their time and delays them getting referrals ready to be presented.  However I know the other people in my group have been calling and some people from other parts of the world are already sending back their acceptance letters so I thought I better at least check in.  She was sympathetic to the anxiety I'm feeling and promised that if referrals came back today, Friday, she would be working (she doesn't normally work Fridays), calling us and sending them by overnight courier so that they arrive to us Saturday afternoon sometime.  She too is concerned with us having to wait until Tuesday as that could start to significantly delay travel.  So, let's wait just a little longer folks.  It's fun to wait for a special day isn't it?? (insert fake smile and sarcasm here).

Meh.

No phone call today.  Disappointing for sure, but as my agency (and my mother) pointed out, the translation company has 3-5 business days to complete the translations and this is only day 4.  The referrals for my group were scanned and sent to Beijing on Friday afternoon our time, but of course in China that is the middle of the night, so technically they will not have seen them until Monday.  All that being said, it is now Friday morning in China.  Where are they???!!
Instead I go to bed tonight still wondering and waiting and dreaming.....
To quote my nephew S. "meh".

Just Keep Breathing.......

It's been 2294 days since my first meeting with my social worker to officially start this process.  It's so hard to believe that after all of those years of waiting I am now down to a few hours before I finally see her face.  I know today is the day, I just know it.  Breathe Suzanne, just breathe.

ps. My agency does not work on Fridays and we are heading into a long weekend, Monday everything will be closed, so it better be today or heads are gonna roll, man, heads are gonna roll!!!!! Just kidding, (sort of!!)  I will delete this part once my daughter can read!!!!!

One Last Ride.....

Picture it.... the carnival guy is yelling...."Step right up foks, it's getting late.  The park will be closing sometime in the next 24 hours(??).  Come on with me for one last ride on the amazing Emotional Strollercoaster!"  
The park is about to close.... Can I really stand one last ride on this rollercoaster, letting my stomach flip and head spin again??  Ok, here I go, getting in the seat this morning, anyone want to join me???  Please remain seated and keep your hands and arms inside the train at all times.
Now I picture the guy saying.... "You want to go faster?  Faster?  FASTER?"  Like they do on those rides that just go around in circles over and over!  
I've likened my journey to a rollercoaster ride at an amusement park many times, hopefully this will be the last!  
And remember...do not get off until the train has come to a complete stop.

Will it be today that I finally see her face?

Fly Stork! Fly!!

Fly Stork Fly!!!!!!  All that talk about patience yesterday?  Ya, well that's gone out the window!!!!  I just want some details!!!!!  I have my list of questions ready (thanks to Tammy!) and now I just keep waiting for that phone to ring.  It's so hard to concentrate on anything, a million questions and thoughts and fears are all swirling around in my head all day. It's hard to believe that after more than 2000 days of waiting, I am now down to just a few hours before I see your little face baby! Yahoo!!!

The Beginning of the End

Chinese Symbol for Patience

So here I am now, at the Beginning of the End.  This symbol of patience will be what holds me together these last few days while I wait to see my little one's face.  I wonder so much.  Will she be big for her age?  Small?  Will she already be walking?  Crawling, sitting up on her own?  Will she be smiling in the picture?  Will she be quiet and shy or loud and boisterous like me?  Will she have hair that is wild and crazy like I so often see in referral photos?  All these questions I have, some of them may get answered, some I may not know for months yet.  I have patience (a little at least!!!) because I trust God will let everything play out in its right time.  That faith however does not mean the next few days are going to be easy to wait out!!!!  LOL

It's Empty!!!

Finally, an empty waiting jar!!!!  After 2108 days this jar now sits empty on top of the TV in my living room.  Not sure where it will go next, maybe the baby's room?


Well, folks, I think my feet have finally touched the ground again.  After two days of mile high excitement, and then a quiet Saturday to regain composure, I think I am now ready to get ready.  I have so much to do in the next couple of weeks, I'm not sure how it will all get done.  Finishing up the school year is a big enough job in itself, but to now add packing away all my personal belongings because I won't be there next year (yeah!!), and everything I will need to do to accept my referral, I don't know how it's all going to get done!!  Do I have time to be writing away on a blog??? Not really, but this is way more fun!!


Monday I plan to spend some time researching and contacting doctors familiar with international adoption.  I have ordered a Question Book, something I will include in my care package that I will send to the orphanage when I know the details.  The details.... oh, when will I know the details???

Thank You

Wow.  I think I am out of words.  I know, I know, you who know me well are asking, "That can't be!!  When is Suzanne ever out of words????"  But I am.  I am just speechless this morning.  The blog comments and emails and well wishing and great thoughts sent by everyone yesterday was overwhelming and it has left me speechless except to say thank you!  I've waited over 6 years to hear those good wishes from all of you, and I know many of you have waited 6 years with me to say them, and I can't tell you what a great feeling that was to finally be able to say Thank You.

BEST DAY EVER!!!!!!

All I can say is .......
BEST DAY EVER !!!!!!!
It has truly been the best day of my life so far.  Knowing I have a match, knowing this incredibly challenging wait is finally coming to an end, knowing I am finally going to be called "mom" is the best feeling in the world.  I'm totally exhausted but I don't want the day to end.

AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! IT'S HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!


NUEVAS ASIGNACIONES CCCWA (anteriormente CCAA)
Estimadas familias, os informamos que la nueva fecha de corte de las asignaciones en China ha cambiado: Se han asignado las familias con fecha de registro hasta el 15 de septiembre de 2006 .
Un afectuoso saludo, y ¡enhorabuena a todas las familias asignadas!


Translation is….


NEW ASSIGNMENTS CCCWA (formerly CAAC)
Dear families, we inform you that the new court date assignments in China has changed, families have been allocated to date of registration until September 15, 2006.
Warm regards and congratulations to all families assigned!

And what that means....
I'm in!!!!!!  I just got word this morning that China has finished referrals up to September 15.  I can hardly believe that this is really happening!!!!!!!!  
I am now officially in labour!!!

Patience

 Chinese symbol for patience
I gotta get me some of that!

The "guy from Spain" says we'll hear news tomorrow.  I think I am going to hold my breath until then.

"I'm Waiting....."

"I'm waiting......."     
(read in a sing-song voice, with arms crossed and one foot tapping!)

Monday Morning in China

It is now Monday morning in China.  Will tomorrow be the day?  Will I finally get to take this last pebble out of my Waiting Jar?

Welcome Back Mike and Tammy

Last night my fellow adoption friends Mike and Tammy arrived back in Canada with their new little one.  Catherine and I went to the airport to greet them home.  It was great to see all the family there at the airport with pink balloons and huge Welcome Home signs.  They even had t-shirts made up with Canadian and Chinese flags on them and baby M's photo.  Mike and Tammy looked a little exhausted from the flight but overall completely happy and excited.  Baby M was so cute and seemed to take it all in stride, sticking her tongue out while she looked around and I think I even saw a little smile sneak out once! Congratulations on becoming a family of three!!!!

On the rumour watch however, there was no new news yesterday.  What that means I don't know.  It could mean that referrals will be delayed and not come out next week.  It could mean that referrals will come out without any warning next week. It could mean that rumours will start next week and referrals come out the week after that.  It could mean..... well, you get the picture.  I wish I had a magic eight ball!!! Those things work don't they?!?  Anyone got a crystal ball???

Rumour Watch!

This is a post taken from Rumour Queen, where I go to hear news about upcoming referrals.

June 12th, 2012   Rumour Watch

We’re in the window of possibility, but the most likely date of arrival is a week from tomorrow. If they are to arrive in 8 days then the CCCWA should already be working on them, and that means there could be rumors any day now.

From me:
For those of you that don't get what that means, it means they are currently working on matching files and that I should start to hear rumours about a cut-off date (how many files they were able to match this month) by the end of this week.  Then, the most likely date that referrals will arrive will be next Wednesday.  Stay tuned folks, my posts will be coming at you fast and furious now!  Wow, I can't believe this is happening!!! 

Somewhere on the Other Side of the World

Since referrals are expected to be mailed in the next couple of weeks, it is quite certain that the CCCWA  is busy matching files right now as I write this post.  Well, ok, maybe not right now, as it's the middle of the night there and they are probably sleeping, but during their work day.... I'm sure they are busy!!
It's really a complicated but amazing feeling to think that somewhere, on the other side of the world, someone is looking at my picture and matching me with a baby, a child they think would be just perfect for me.  Our two photos will be paper-clipped together and put in an envelope, initiating a relationship that will last the rest of my life.    

Are We There Yet? Are We There Yet?

Are we there yet?   Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?   Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?   Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?   Are we there yet?


Yep, that's me.  The annoying kid in the backseat of the car.


Yesterday I was fortunate enough to get a good dose of baby. Hopefully that will keep me going until I hear something. I met a couple back in the Fall at an adoption preparation workshop.  At that point they were expecting their referral very soon and we sort of got acquainted over the two days of the workshop.  Since then, they have received their referral, travelled to China and have been home for a few months now.  Spur of the moment, I went to visit with them yesterday to see the baby for the first time.  All I can say is....B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!!!!!  She was SO cute, just starting to walk on her own, reaching out for things and handing me her toys.  I had brought a little gift for her and her mother mentioned that she loved to open presents and that we'd wait till she woke up to open the gift.  Well, her delighted giggle told it all.  She loves to open presents!!  I can't wait till our babies can play together!


We have a shower today for my sister and her newborn little K.  Can't wait!  I love getting my baby fix from him too.  He's so much more alert now, looking around while you cuddle him.  So, I think that will hold me over for a couple more weeks!  Once I get my own referral pictures though, look out!  I may be that impatient kid again!

Time

Time.  Does it move quickly?  Does it move slowly?  Time is something I have too much of right now and yet not enough.  Right now it feels like I'm on a stop and go bus, in a hurry to get somewhere.  The minutes are ticking by like hours, the hours are moving at the speed of lightening!  One minute time is crawling by and I think this last month of waiting will never come to an end.  The next minute, time is slipping away and I am panicking about not being ready, about not doing some of the things on my Single-life Bucket List!  My friend Sandra did warn me about this in a comment a few weeks back!  I should have listened! 





To quote Albert Einstein:  When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute -- then it's longer than any hour. That's relativity!  

Yeah for June!!!!!

And now it's June!  It is officially my Referral Month!!!!!!!  I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself!!!!  It's pretty much all I think about these days.  Only a few more days/weeks to go before I finally become a mom!
To quote someone from my travel group,  it's ironic that we will be receiving our referrals after officially waiting 69 months.  When I submitted my paperwork the agency had quoted the wait as 6 -9 months.  From 6 -9 to 69, wow.  Funny how things work out eh!?  yeah, real funny.