My Secret Pal Gift

So my friends Tammy and Mike left for China yesterday afternoon, so exciting!!!!!!  I gave Tammy a quick call from work yesterday to wish her a good trip and she seemed unreasonably calm.  I hope I can be that calm when my time comes!   She seems to be taking it all in stride which is good.  I will be at the airport to greet them when they return so let's see how calm she is then!!! LOL


I belong to a group of men and women who communicate online.  We all have a September Log-in date for China and have been active supporting each other, discussing all things adoption/preparation related and being excited as each one of us gets our referral.. They hail from all over the world and even though I've never met any of them I feel like I know them after chatting about everything you can imagine, adoption related and not!  One of the women organized a "Cyber Shower" over the past few weeks and last week I received my gift from my secret pal.  It came from a woman in Ireland and it was a beautiful Christening scrapbook with my LID engraved on the front, a set of book ends (appropriate since I am a librarian and have about a zillion books!) and an Irish rag doll that is SO cute!!!!  Posting this reminds me however that I haven't sent a thank you note to her.  Must get on that!!!!

What Happens at Referral?

This post is for you Lisa, thanks for taking such an interest in how it all goes down.  Here's what happens when the "BIG MOMENT" finally comes.
A week or so before I receive my referral I will hear rumours that China is organizing paperwork, matching files from these particular Log-in Dates and finally that files (referrals) have been mailed.  Once files have been mailed they usually arrive in Canada a day or so later.  I will receive an email from my agency telling me my referral has arrived.
Once it has been translated and reviewed by my agency, I will receive a phone call and be given some basic information:  Child's name, date of birth, which province and Social Welfare Institute (orphanage or foster home) they live in and some basic medical information.
In the next few hours I will receive a photo of my child.  I then wait for the rest of the medical information to be translated and couriered to me, usually a few days later.  Once I have all the information on my child, I will take it to a doctor for review.
I then meet with my Social Worker to go over paperwork and accept my referral.  Over the next few weeks, I have several documents to complete for China and forms to send to my provincial Ministry of Child and Youth Services for approval.  I have already completed most of the immigration paperwork to be able to bring a child into Canada.
Once I have received confirmation from China and my own Ministry I can then begin making travel arrangements.  Most of this is done through my agency.
Once my travel dates are set, I start getting ready!!!!  All of this preparation takes about 8 weeks, mostly due to waiting on China and my Provincial Ministry to send documentation allowing me to bring a child into Canada.
It sounds easy when I write it all down here but I hear people tell me it's a crazy busy time so I may be a little out of the socializing loop when this is happening, sorry folks!

OMG!!! OMG!!!!

WOO HOO!!!!!!  Apparently the 8th is not the cut-off!!  Referrals were sent out for up to Sept 11 and 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh my gosh, I 've never been so happy to be wrong!!!!!!!!!!  I told you it was like a roller coaster!  Every time I think I've got a handle on the whole thing it takes me for a spin!!!!  The most thrilling ride of my life!  


I was out gardening all day yesterday and didn't check for any updates about referrals.  I thought I knew the cut-off date, Sept 8th, and it sometimes takes a while to get info and photos translated so there was no hurry to check things out on my facebook group or blogs or Rumour Queen.  When I came inside at 9:30 last night, I thought I would check, just for the fun of it, to see if any pictures of the babies were up yet, I love seeing the first baby pictures.  Well, holy cow!  There was over 3 pages of messages in my inbox all screaming about the BIG surprise!!!!  So it looks like people with a Sept 8-11 LID definitely got their referral yesterday and even a few with a Sept 12 LID got "the call."  This is always surprising because China almost never sends out partial days.  If they don't finish matching a certain day this month, they hold back all the matches for that day until next month.  It could be a mistake somewhere along the line where the people with a Sept 12 LID actually had a Sept 11 LID.  It happens sometimes, things get mixed up in translation, but what a great mix-up for those waiting parents!


What does this all mean you ask??!   It means I AM NEXT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am crying as I type this because I can't believe I am finally saying it.  For more than 5 years I've watched people, most of them complete strangers to me except how I "know" them online through Rumour Queen, get their referrals, meet their babies and deal with the disappointment of missing the cut-off by one day. And now here I am, missing the cut-off by one day.  I don't feel any disappointment, just excitement!  It's finally happening and I couldn't be happier.

P.S.  I haven't forgotten Lisa about posting the referral process, it's coming! :)
As well, still working on the camera thing.  Will try to figure out the problem this week so I can post pictures of my winning game of frisbee golf!!

Step Right Up Folks!

"Step right up folks!  A thrill a minute here!  It's time for the ride of your life!  Climb onto the biggest, the longest (that's for sure!!!!) the most spectacular emotional roller coaster of all time!  Fasten your seatbelts and hold on!  It might get a little bumpy but it's bound to thrill you with its dips and turns and unexpected twists!!!!!"


Ok, it's that time of the month yet again!  Time to climb back on the Referral Rollercoaster for another ride!  I got word this morning from "the guy in Spain" as people refer to him, that paperwork is done in China and the next set of referrals are being mailed!!!!!!  I have to admit, as unlikely as it was to happen, I was secretly hoping for the 13th, my LID, to be included.  However, the rumour out there this morning looks like Sept 8th may be the next cut-off.  A little disappointing but c'est la vie!  We had really thought they might complete up to the 10th or 11th realistically but that's sort of been the theme of this whole adoption hasn't it, one step forward, two steps back?  And the thrilling part is, we never know for sure until there is an official announcement.  There's always lots of speculation about cut-off dates and rumours about who will be matched and then sometimes the rumours are right on target and sometimes a big surprise (or sometimes disappointment unfortunately)  hits you in the face!!!  Hence, the roller coaster analogy!  On the upside, it's still 4 days closer to my great moment!!!!!  I've met some great people online these last few months, all people with a September LID like me, so I'm hoping for good referral news today for some of them!


Onto other news, my sister and baby K are doing ok.  They  came home from the hospital last night but will be back there tomorrow to get checked out again by the doctor.  


I was away visiting my nephews Saturday and Sunday with my mom.  We had a good "Day o' Fun" with Aunt Suzanne which included visiting the zoo, playing board games and frisbee golf.  Grandma treated us out to a good lunch at Swiss Chalet after Church.  I have some great pictures but something's up with my camera card or card reader or computer (not sure which yet) and my computer doesn't seem to be able to copy the pictures this morning.  So, I will post pictures later when I figure out what is going wrong.  Who am I kidding, I'll never be able to figure out what is going wrong.  I will just try it again later tonight and hope it works!!!!LOL

Making a great shot!

Who me?  I didn't cheat!

The official Score Keeper!

He's almost here!

I'm going to be an aunt again today!  So exciting!  My sister has gone into the hospital last night and will be delivering her little baby boy today.  Will update later when I know more details.




Update:  Well, he's here!!!!  It was a bit of an ordeal but in the end all went well.  Mom and baby are both doing ok and I couldn't be prouder as a new aunt!  Everyone is a little tired and not looking their best but here are some pics of the cute little guy!  Welcome to the world baby K!!!!

Getting ready for the OR.  Are you nervous Dad?

Welcome to the world little guy!

 Happy Grandma

Happy Grandpa

Proud parents

Proud Aunt Suzanne

Mother's Day 2012

I've debated a little for the past few days about composing a Mother's Day post.  Not because I don't have anything to say (I know you're wondering when does that ever happen??) but because my feelings around this Mother's Day are so personal I wasn't sure how much I wanted to share out loud.  The feelings I have around having a child already living somewhere out there, but not knowing him/her yet, the feelings I have for a birth mother who felt the only viable option for her was to relinquish her child to someone else and that someone else is going to be me, are all very complex and emotional and sometimes overwhelming.  This blog however, has been a great place for me to sort out my feelings and fears about motherhood and my upcoming adoption so why stop now.  Plus, I cherish my friends and family that come here to read my blog so here it is, just a few of my thoughts on Mother's Day, 2012.


Dear Grace,
I'm thrilled that this will be my last Mother's Day without you.  I feel a tingling in my stomach every day now, an excitement that I can't contain, knowing I am so close to finally seeing your face. Although you didn't grow in my body, you have grown in my heart.  I have thought about you every day for years now and it both hurts me and excites me to know that you are already a growing little girl somewhere in China.  I worry and hope that someone is taking good care of you while you wait for your forever family, me!  I worry and hope that your birth mother will somehow know that you will be loved, not just by her but by me as well.  Soon you will be coming to a new home and starting a new life with me and even though you won't have a clue what's going on and may be a little unhappy about the whole ordeal, I will be very excited about becoming your mom.  I can't wait to meet you! 
  
Love, Mommy

The Blessing of Friendship

 Tonight was our annual Mother's Day dinner with a group of women who have all adopted, mostly from China and Vietnam.  With Tammy and Mike getting their referral last month, I am now the last one in the group still waiting for my referral.  Wow.  We've been getting together for 6 years now, it's hard to believe, and I've watched as everyone in the group has gotten their referrals and travelled to bring home their children.  It's been beautiful watching the girls and boys grow so big!  Some members of the group started out single and are now married, some have had biological children since, generally a lot has happened but I am so grateful to God for bringing this group into my life.  I have so many good friends, some I've known for 30+ years now, and I am so thankful for that because I wouldn't be in the place I am in now if not for the ongoing encouragement of my circles of friends.  However, the ladies from this group have really become a source of support throughout the wait and they are the people who really "get it."  I know the rest of you try, and I bless you for that, but only those who have been there /done that, know what it's really like to endure this wait and uncertainty, to parent a child who is culturally, physically and biologically different than you, who has also endured this wait and uncertainty, and to do it on your own.  We get together regularly but not often, however every time I meet them, I leave with a stronger sense of friendship.

When I got home from dinner tonight, I looked up Chinese quotes on friendship and thought I might include one here.  The first one that popped up was...

"Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead."
- Chinese Proverb

It doesn't quite have the lyrical ring to it that I was looking for!!!!!!
So I searched again and found these, not Chinese necessarily, but meaningful just the same...

"With good friends . . . even water drunk together is sweet enough.”  
  (I think this one does have Chinese origin!)

"Strangers are just friends waiting to happen."

"Sometimes you pick your friends, sometimes they pick you."

Most of my friendship circles have happened by chance.  People I have worked with and people I went to school with and were naturally drawn towards have become lifelong friends.  But for the most part, I didn't actively seek out any of them except the people I now know through adoption.  When I first started this journey to motherhood, I searched high and low for adoption groups, single mothers groups, whatever I could find, and injected myself into all of them.  Not all of them turned out to be a good fit and I've let some of them go, but for the ones that stuck, I'm grateful, thanks!

Finally, I'm in the First Column

Ahh, the sweet satisfaction of being in the first column!!!!  These are the projections for this coming month's referrals from China put out by a woman in the States, known as Rumour Queen, who keeps track of everything related to international adoption.  Each month Rumour Queen, whom I've referred to quite a bit here, puts out projections for the next set of referrals.  She examines the data from past months, how many days worth of files were matched, how many families that included, etc. and uses the information to make an estimate of when the next set of referrals will come out and how many days/files China will match.  Some months it makes sense that only a few days will be matched because there are large numbers of families logged in on those days.  Some months there should be several days worth of files matched because there are hardly any files logged into China (funny, this never seems to happen though!).  This information is what I use to gage when I might receive my referral.  If you look on the left side you will see the upcoming months.  Remember China only matches and mails the referrals once a month or so.  The columns to the right are Rumour Queen's (RQ's) best guess.  If things continue according to this past winter 2012's pattern, I will receive my referral in June, if things go a little better/faster like they were last winter 2011, I will receive my referral in May.  However, as I've found out with this process, things can always get worse and if they do, I may be delayed until July.  You can see from the chart that it is projected that I will just make the cut-off with my Sept 13 log-in date.  If China does not finish as many files as they have been lately, they won't include the 13th and I will be waiting yet again.  But at least this time it will only be an extra month.  I know it's a little complicated to follow but thought I would try to explain why I know but don't know when I will receive my referral.  I won't even show you the other statistic charts that look at number of families logged in on each day, how many days were covered each  month.  It just gets a little mind boggling!!!  All I know is, it will happen soon!  If you want to read more about the process and how it has all unfolded from the start, I wrote about it in more detail here. Just click on the link (blue word "here") and it will take you to my earlier post.

Good Baby Day!

Good Baby Day today!  I finished registering at Babies R Us today and I have pictures of a great glider for the baby's room I found on sale at a consignment shop (it's pink gingham check and beautiful!) and I finished shopping for my secret September pal for our cyber baby shower (see last week's post for details) and I picked up my hanging baskets at a farmer's market in the Holland Marsh.  I usually make my own but really these were a good deal and I knew I would be kinda busy this spring!!! :)  Ok, so the last one is not really baby related, but I love to garden and can't not mention the good deal!

Baby Showapalooza!

This weekend was busy! Friday night I was in Hamilton at a funeral visitation with some colleagues.  Saturday I had two baby events to go to as well as a concert with my sister and her husband.  So here are the details....

First thing Saturday morning, I went to a Mom-to-Mom sale at the local community centre.  There were lots of goodies to look at and buy.  This whole boy thing has got me a little freaked out so I held off on buying any clothes but it was fun to look.  After that, I met up with my friends Tammy and Rhonda and their husbands at the Baby Show in the city.  We had a great time looking at all the newest gadgets for baby.  My goodness, you can certainly outfit a baby in style these days.  There were strollers and high chairs there that looked comfortable enough even I wanted to lounge around in them!  I held off on buying too many new items but  I did get quite a few freebies.  Here's a picture of me coming home with my loot!

I had made ID cards for the girls and I that had an ultrasound picture with a map of China in the middle of it, since our children are waiting to meet us in China instead of our bellies.  Here's what it looked like, cute, huh?!

Saturday night I went to see the Skydiggers with C and R.  This was a great band that we saw a lot of during the 90's in and around Toronto.  It was a little nostalgic and brought back some fond memories.  As always, C and R were great hosts and made me feel welcome, thanks Sis!  Sunday, after church, C and I went to the garden centre for the first time this season.  I plan to really scale back on plant buying this year but I picked up a few new selections that I will baby for a couple more weeks until it is warm enough for them to be outside permanently.  After that, we indulged in a few card games.  I just want it on record that my nephew S and I won all three games against C and R...  Not that I'm competitive or anything, I'm just putting it out there as a little FYI for the rest of you!  LOL!!!

What if It's a Boy???

OK.  So, what if it's a boy?  I hadn't really thought much about that possibility until now.  And now, I'm freaking out.  What if it's a boy???  I love boys, don't get me wrong.  I have 7 nephews and I love every one of them.  It's just that I've had my head around a girl for so long now that I don't know what I'd do if I was referred a boy.  This last batch of referrals from earlier this week had some surprises in it.  There were a few boy referrals (not impossible from China, but still somewhat unusual) as well as some babies that were quite a bit older than usual (up to 3 years old).  So now, I'm thinking, what if this happens to me?  Will I be ready for it?  Will I be prepared mentally for such a different scenario than I've imagined for the past 8 years?  While I know it's still not likely,  I have to prepare myself for the possibility that I may have a son instead of a daughter.  What will I call him?  I haven't even thought of boy names really.  It's different and it's gonna take some getting used to.  I hope he likes pink!!!

Let's Get This Party Started!

Well, September has started!  I couldn't be more excited!!!  Referrals came out today for people logged in between September 1 and 4, 2006.  That's the first September referrals and it feels great!  4 more stones out of my Waiting Jar and 4 days closer to my own referral.  For the past 5 years it has felt like this day might never come where I see people in my month getting referrals.  I don't even know them personally but I feel like I do because we've supported each other through Rumour Queen and other online sites for a long time now so to hear their good news is like hearing good news about an old friend, someone who you may no longer keep in close contact with but are happy for them just as if you had spoken yesterday.

Onto other exciting news, people from my September group are organizing an online Cyber Shower to help us celebrate our referrals.  I've been matched up with a woman in the States (I don't want to reveal too much in case she reads this blog!! Shh!)  We're going to purchase gifts and surprises for each other and send them by May 20.  It's so exciting to think about this group of people from all over the world, brought together through adoption, feeling a connection and receiving gifts from each other.  I'm hoping we can find a way for us to set a time to open them all together while we are online.  I don't know if that will work because the poor souls from Europe or Australia may not appreciate opening gifts in the middle of the night!  Anyone have suggestions about how we might be able to swing that?  Maybe we'll just have to post pictures of us opening our gifts?  Either way, it's prompting me to register at Toys R Us this week.  I'm not hugely comfortable with gift registries for a few reasons, I did not think I would do it, but being that my gift buddy doesn't really know anything about me or what I like/need, etc I thought I should at least give them a starting point.

I wanted to add music to this post, maybe something a little "party-like" (I'm thinking,  "I'm So Excited" by the Pointer Sisters) because I'm so excited that they have started referring September files.  However I don't know how to do it.  I don't want a video necessarily, just background music. Anyone that can help, can you shoot me an email or comment here to get me started?

Suzanne x2

Sorry to be so long posting since Easter.  Apologies to my friend Lisa, who has been waiting for a new post for days now!  Work, home and just general life gets busy sometimes!  Nothing really happening adoption wise at the moment, although there is a rumour today about organizing paperwork in China.  That means referrals are being prepared and they will hopefully send out news of the next cut-off date soon.  I am hearing rumours of Sept 5, 2006 files being completed.  I hope so, that means 5 more pebbles out of the jar...

We had a great family get together last weekend.  My cousin Suzanne and her husband Tim came over from Michigan for a visit.  Spent the whole weekend gabbing and catching up.  I wonder how we don't run out of things to say to each other but it never happens!  Here are the highlights, hiking with my sister and Suzanne, and the rest of the family, my nephew having a ponderous moment (whatever that is!!) Family fun!

Today's thoughts

And that's all I have to say about that.

Easter 2013!

Happy Easter 2012 everyone although I can't wait for Easter 2013! Spent the day with family: Church, hiking through the forest, swimming and having a big turkey feast. I asked the kids when they arrived at my parents, who had chocolate for breakfast, and D. announced that was all he had eaten all day so far!!!!! :) Good for him, you're only young once!

Not that I'm wishing my life away but I can't wait for next Easter! I feel grateful that this will be my last big holiday without my little one. I spent the day imagining next Easter, putting on her bunny pajamas (that are already waiting for her in the closet!), hiding treats in the most obvious places for her to find early in the morning, dressing up in a cute spring dress for church (already waiting in her closet!), and celebrating with family.

Here is a picture of my sweet baby's Easter pajamas for next year. They were so cute with bunnies all over them, I couldn't resist, and the little jacket is adorable. It was a hand-me down but we'll see if it still fits next year. The bunnies are from the various years I've been waiting. The small purple one will go into my care package to China after I receive my referral. The big brown bunny has the year 2012 on it's foot. I thought that was sort of poignant since I will finally meet my daughter in 2012 however she will most likely have been born in the Chinese year of the rabbit.

An update about my friends Tammy and Mike. They received information about their daughter this past week. She is from Kunming City, Yunnan province and was 7 months old on April 3. She is adorable and they are incredibly happy! Congratulations to both of them!

News tomorrow for friends?

I am anxiously waiting for news tomorrow about my friends Tammy and Mike. They are with the same agency as me with a Log-in date of August 29. They received word that they have been matched with a referral but have not gotten any information yet about the new little addition to their family. They hope to receive photos and other information tomorrow or Tuesday. I can't wait to see the baby's pictures. I'll bet they won't sleep a wink tonight waiting for news.

I have begun thinking about the things I want to send to China in a care package when I receive my referral. It's sometimes possible to send a package of useful and playful items to the orphanage ahead of time, before I arrive to pick up my child. A blanket that I've slept with for awhile, a stuffed animal, a book with my recorded voice are some of the ideas I have. I found the recordable books the other day at Hallmark and had to hold myself back from buying one. They are so cute but a little expensive! I will have to choose carefully.

Below are some pictures of March Break bowling with the nieces and nephews! I am so bad at bowling but it's fun.

Good-Bye August! Hello September!

WhooHoo!!!! They finished August! China sent out referrals this morning for the rest of the August LIDs. That's 10 days worth of files! 10 more stones out of my waiting jar and 10 days closer to meeting my baby Grace! It is a great feeling to know that they will now be starting to work on September files. Come on September! Let's get this party started!!!

Look at this thing! It's practically empty!