Turning a corner. It has finally happened. All of a sudden it has happened. Two and half years later, it has finally clicked. My anxiety filled shy girl who would cling desperately to my leg, dig her nails into my arms and cry if I was out of arm's reach in any situation outside our own house or Grandma and Grandpa's, has turned a corner. Grace has become a confident, social and independent little girl and I couldn't be more proud of her accomplishment!
It took patience on my part, patience that I didn't always have I'm sad to say. It's frustrating when you can't go the bathroom without screaming, unload the dishwasher without someone clinging to your leg or talk to the bank teller without being mauled and scratched.
For two and a half years I waited for Grace to realize that I wasn't going anywhere, that I would always be there if she needed me, that I loved her the most and even if I was talking to someone at a party or in a restaurant or at the grocery store, I loved her the most and that didn't change even when I wasn't paying all my attention to her. For two and a half years, I've built that trust so that she now knows when she goes down to the basement to play with the other kids, I will always be upstairs if she needs me. I won't disappear.
Grace and I went to another Lunar New Year party tonight and she was amazing!! She walked in and went straight to the toys to play, said hello and Happy New Year to people when I suggested it and Mommy was able to have a real conversation with friends.
Over the past month or two, I've noticed a huge leap in Grace's social development. It's like it's all coming together for her. Dance class on her own, visiting my classroom, talking to people out in public and shaking hands at church (during the Sign of Peace she walks up and down the aisle shaking everyone's hand she can reach before I haul her back to our pew!), she does all of these things without even skipping a beat.
I admit there were moments over the past couple of years where I felt like I would never have a life ever again, that Grace would always need me 24/7. It is exhausting to always be her everything all the time. And now here I am, watching her as she ventures out into the world, all friendly and social and confident and taking on everything in her path. I couldn't be more proud of her!!!
My girl! Couldn't love her more if I tried!!!
2 comments:
Hi Suzanne,
Everytime I read your posts, it reminds me of my daughter and I. I remember feeling the exact way with my "cling-on princess"... and remember feeling the exact same way when she finally started feeling more secure. My only comment to you - from experience - never underestimate the "anxiety". It lies below the surface... sometimes, the subtle little set-back can come and surprise you. However, those set-backs often make then grow stronger.
One day, she was about 4 and a half, I went outside to clean her pool and fill it with water for it to warm with the sun. She was sitting watching TV and I told her, mommy is just going outside to fill your pool. About 4-5 minutes later, the door was closed because the AC was on, I could hear screaming, and thought "Huh! I wonder who's kid is screaming like that?"... then a minute later, I decide to go check on her. I walk in the house, she is the one screaming, she shaking and not swallowing her own saliva!! She is in shock. She thought I was gone. After I settled her I discussed it with her and she wasn't listening to me when I told her I was going outside. She was absorbed by the TV.
The fear of loosing another parent is so present... ever so present.
Another example - as they grow older - first few days of kindergarten were difficult.... Then, the first time it got dark around 4:30 pm. She thought I forgot her at school. For 2 years, kindergarten and grade 1, each time it would get dark out ... she would always ask the teachers if her mommy had forgotten her.
It's always there, but ... they learn to deal with it.
My daughter is now - almost 10, and she is much much better. I always check to make sure she understands that - even if I were to be late - I'M GONNA BE THERE!!! ;) She always worries... what if I die in a car accident... what if... what if...
I can tell you a lot of stories like this....
Keep me posted, and please reach out if you have any questions.
Diane
Thanks for your perspective Diane. I know we are certainly not "out of the woods" yet. In fact we've had a few moments since Saturday night to remind me of this. It's just good to know she is moving in the right direction!!
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