The heat, it's hot and humid here all the time. Living out of a suitcase, changing hotel rooms 3 times in one week, heating up baby food and washing clothes and bottles and dishes all in a bathroom sink. Being up half the night, every night, consoling her while she figures out where it is she is sleeping and who it is who is holding her and what it is I am saying to her. Almost never understanding what people are saying to me. Finding Chinese formula and diapers and baby food in a Walmart where you can't even read the prices. Eating strange foods and paying for it afterwards (you can read between the lines!) A sick baby, poor Grace has not been feeling well. Her digestive system is not working well (you can read between the lines!!) and she's been running a fever for days now. Changing VERY messy diapers in every imaginable inconvenient place, the train station floor, the back of a crowded taxi zipping in and out of traffic and on the floor of a restaurant (yes the restaurant, not the restaurant bathroom) with 5 Chinese women watching and grabbing Grace's legs, pushing me to do this and that with the diaper, wipes, etc. (all three of these scenarios happened on our orphanage visit Wednesday and it was almost the breaking point for me!). The pace of running around every day for appointments and orphanage visits and sightseeing is tiring to say the least. Carrying a baby with you for it all makes it even more exhausting. All of these things have made the trip hard.
Here's what has made the trip totally worth every minute...
Meeting Grace for the first time. It was chaotic and loud and hot and wonderful.
Signing the papers on Tuesday to say the adoption is final and permanent.
Watching her sleep in her crib for the first time, while she holds the back of her hand up to her mouth to soothe herself.
Seeing her gentle smile when she first wakes up.
Seeing her smile for the first time.
The moment she fell asleep in my arms on the bus to the Civil Affairs office.
The first time she snuggled into my shoulder in the middle of the night to put herself to sleep.
Playing with her in the bathtub for the first time on Wednesday. She loves the water and she shows it through her giggles.
Seeing my mom and dad interact with her.
Watching Carolyn try to make her laugh.
Listening to her laugh.
Figuring out what foods she likes and how she likes to eat them.
Walking with her through the market and having people stare at us, sometimes with blatant curiousity, sometimes smiling and nodding.
The first time she held her arms up for me to pick her up (finally yesterday!)
Like I said before... It's all good.
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14 comments:
It is so hard becoming a mom for the first time so far from home. I remember those diaper changes! Hope Grace feels better soon (and you too). You'll be home soon.
Oh, and again I have to say, Grace is so beautiful.
Amazing Suzanne! Yep, a few tears shed reading this! Picture 3 says it all!!
Karen
My daughter and I just returned from China almost two months ago with her daughter. I have been reading your blog and your daughter is beautiful. I would like to see if you have a personal email or facebook page where I could send you a msg about a few things.
my email is meobryan@comcast.net
I have been following your blog and your new daughter is beautiful. My daughter and I just returned from China two months ago with her adopted daughter. I can really relate to your experiences. Do you have a personal email or facebook page where I could email you? I have a couple of things I would like to tell you about our experience. Susan
meobryan@comcast.net
Hang in there, mama...you're doing great!
Oh Suzanne, I'm sorry to hear what a rough time you've had! ((hugs)) Becoming a mommy overnight is tough and then add the cultural differences and language challenges and it's compounded over and over! (((more hugs)))
Praying for you and your sweetie daily. Praying now that she'll begin to feel better. Poor little lamb.
Suzanne I know EXACTLY what mean!!! I am sure you remember me telling you about being in Kunming - I think once you are back in Beijing Inge will be sooooooo much better, it was for me!! It is so much more like home, with food, shops, rooms etc... It is all so overwhelming at first and being a single mommy just adds to that I am sure! Let me tell you it does get soooo much better and next time someone you know is heading to China you will wish for these days back as hard as they are.
In Beijing it will be nice to go to the Dr's (it is so nice there and they are sooo helpful) and get something to help little Miss Grace and you can probably take her swimming in the hotel if she likes the water (Mhyia Loved that) - you can get great food at the hotel etc.. I just found it was so much better in Beijing and the week flew by.
Everyday will get better and once you are home it is just amazing! Try to enjoy every second and we will see you VERY soon!! (((hugs)))
Thank you for sharing your joy with all of us. Words cannot express how happy we are for you and Grace. I admire you so much and Thank you for showing me how blessed we are to have our children.
Ariel and I love the picture of you and Grace and its like God found just the right child for you, the two of definitely belong together, now that I have seen her, I cannot see her with anyone else but You!
I'll keep you both in my prayers and cannot wait to meet her and Welcome to motherhood this is just the beginning.
Hi Susanne,
Brings back so many memories - one of which I need to share with you. My daughter had bad diarhea and it kept getting worse, she had a cough and so on (so your story and mine sone similar!!!) however, I kept giving her bananas at breakfast - to fill her tummy as she loved them and to give her a good start to the day. However, after a week, the guide asked me if I was giving her bananas. I said yes, each morning. HE LAUGHED!!! He said that bananas for them is like prunes or prune juice for us - It makes them GO!!!!! (If you know what I mean). So, I stopped giving her bananas and the whole ordeal stoped. He told me that their bananas are different then ares (notice they are small). My daughter never had an issue with the bananas we have here.
Good luck, and just remember IT'S ALL WORTH IT IN THE END ....
Diane mom to Léa-Jade (7)
Stop making me cry! the pictures are gorgeous (especially the one in the chair, is that pizza?)I can`t imagine how overwhelming it is for you, most of us are in our home when we have to face a beautiful but scary new being that depends on us for everything. Hope she is feeling better soon, you too.
Lisa
I'm sure there will be many challenges still to come. But you seem like you are up for it. You have so much strength and determination. Of course there will be a growing time, as your daughter has spent the first year of her life in different surroundings and you are a new person to her. But soon she will feel your love and will realize you are her mom.
I am in tears over your list of things that are worth it and can sympathize with the things that are difficult. It is an adjustment and in challenging circumstances. Praying that she feels better soon and that you come home safe and sound so soon.
Once she's home in her beautiful new nursery with her amazing Mom, all will be less stressful! It must be unbelievably tough living from a suitcase with a baby...especially one who needs frequent changing! Looking forward to meeting your sweet wee girl in person! Hugs!
I love the pictures!!! The few days of silence had me worried for a while and now I understand. You must be so anxious to bring her home and begin to settle her in, I cannot wait to meet her. My boys think she is adorable, once things settle for you we'll come up for a visit. Did you miss the chaos of the first week of school?? Hahahaha! Of course you didn't, you had your very own chaos though, I hope it quiets down soon and that you and Grace begin to feel more normal with routines. Hugs!
Nilia
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